Update on The Shit

The Shit is going well.

I have just done a word count and its standing at 5002 words!

Not bad, not bad at all.

Probably sounds better than it is as the way I work kind of involves me spewing my knowledge onto paper. It has no references and no photographs or analysis of said photographs to back my arguments up. Its just me getting what I know on paper in a kind of order and structure I want.

BUT 5000 words! Thats a lot. In fact, it can be between 5000 to 8000 words, so I could...in theory...a very stupid theory...just hand it in as is. My thats tempting.

I have another full day planned of writing tomorrow and hope that some quotes and references will start to appear in it and then I will start getting more confident about it. One week Friday the draft has to be in, so I am not doing bad and as I am a S.P.A.G spaz, I can get an extra 2 weeks on that should I need to.

Hurrah.

My it will be a relief to get it done...much like L&H's photos! Except I shall do my best to not take 30 months to do the essay or I will fail!

You can tell when I am having a break from writing The Shit as I do about a billion Blog posts in the space of a few minutes!

Guilt, procrastination and foolishness

May 2004 my good friends Linus and Heather got married.

It was a joyous occasion and a fantasticaly memorable wedding.

I had the honour of being asked to do the wedding photos. It was my first ever time at being a wedding photographer and I was scared.

However, a lot of practice, reading and concentration meant the job went well. It was made easier due to it being such a lovely wedding and me being very fond of those getting married, so making pictures that conveyed that was not a huge chore or difficulty. Ironically, I have never done such a good job since! Perhaps the first time nerves helped.

This is where we get to guilt, procrastination and foolishness. Three traits I am a master of.

I knew taking on the task of doing their wedding was quite a big one. Obviously there is the day itself, but its the task after that is hard as I had decided to print all the images by hand. I really wanted to and I was given free reign to print what I liked how I liked and present it in whatever way I saw fit. My plans were large and my ambition huge. I wanted to do the best wedding photos ever and as well as that present them in a unique and interesting way that would make the photos a pience of furniture/ornament type thing. Something that could sit in their living room looking nice and contain the treats of the images inside.

The printing took a long time. I was printing through the first year of my degree so had to do it inbetween my projects, and it was not just a matter of printing them, but I had to do the contact sheets then decide what images to print from there and then print them. There were 9 films in all so thats well over 300 pictures to choose from and I choose a lot to print.

Things were going OK though, time was pressing on but I was slowly getting on with it. Towards the end of my first year at Uni I realised how long I had taken and so did a final push to finish the printing. I did.

I then sat on the photos for some time, unsure exactly how I wanted to present them. I had an idea in my head, but wasn't sure how it would manifest. All I knew was first of all I needed to find a suitable box or such to use as the basis for presentation. The search commenced and I put it to the back of my mind.

Some time later the right thing was found and I went back to the photos. A substantial number were ruined. The technician at school can't have mixed the processing chemicals right as some had faded or gone browish. A re-print was needed. I was a bit depressed, especially as we must have been at the year/year and a half mark since the wedding and I had aimed to do it by their first anniversary!

Eventually I got off my arse again and did the re-prints. I had the thing to present them in too, it was just finalising the presentation that was required.

This is when the real procrastination kicked in. And imense guilt and the amount of time it had taken. Then foolishness in the classic John of ignoring something so it would go away or at best I wouldn't feel bad about it. Thats never a good solution kids! One day I may learn.

The second year at school came and went and the summer holidays began. The third year approached and I was adamant I would finish them before I started my third year. I didn't. Again see notes on guilt, procrastination and foolishness. Extra foolishness came in here as I don't really like presenting things and I aint that good at it (unless I concentrate REALLY hard and I am easily distracted!).

However, I knew the time was nigh and it must be done. Luckily for me my wonderfull Hannah is rather amazing at presenting and thinking of ways of doing so and her insights gave light at the end of the tunnel (thats the tunnel that runs under Guilt mountain between Procrastination and Foolishness). Things were in hand and progressing but again school and the shit that is the dissertation were jumping on my back and weighting me down with fear.

Linus, praise the lord, then texted me last week with what has to be said was a really kind and gentle reminder! No swearing or insults or nothing, which I think they would be forgiven for doing 30 months after the wedding. The text was the final straw and I set myself a deadline of this Thursday to get the job done.

More stress and much help from Hannah later and I have actually finished all bar the last few bits of tidying up and Thursday I can hand it all over to L&H.

Its a relief I can tell you. Not only can something thats been on my to do list for 2 and a half months be struck off, but also they can finally get their pictures and let their family see them too.

The worst thing is that, and not being big headed, they are amazing! And the presentation is amazing. All together it looks really good and I am well happy with what I have done. Its just a shame that the fact it has taken so long will overshadow the final result a bit. Its also a shame I did the other John classic of not talking about it and as such avoiding the subject with L&H so as not to have to make excuses.

Now 30 months is a crazy amount of time, I think its forgivable for me to have taken a fair while as I have been doing my degree and working and moving house and all those other things that seem to take up every bit of time and energy. Also I have printed a lot of photos, many more than normal for a wedding, especially as they are all hand done.

Not sure why I am spleening all this really, I guess to gush my relief on the world of the internet for having completed them and I am looking forward to handing it over to the rightfull owners. I am also looking forward to re-establishing things with L&H. They have been amazingly fair and silent over the whole thing, but alas my guilt, procrastination and foolishness have meant I have been a bit wary of seeing them at times as I thought they must be spitting blood at my slow slow progress at doing the pictures.

Still, I have finished beating myself up about it and finished putting off doing it. Job done and the best thing to happen now is for me to learn from my errors and L&H to hopefully enjoy what I have done for them for a long time to come.

Anyway, after another 30 months they will have forgotten it took that long for them to see the photos in the first place!

Thanks for your time, and sorry if you are one the many people reading this who has probably been affected by the John G.P.F.

The moral of the story - never ask me to photograph your wedding and if you do NEVER let me suggest I will hand print them!

It lucky L&H were not a 90 year old couple getting married or perhaps they never would have seen the photos ;)

Update Smupdate

Nobody updates their blogs any more and that makes me sad.

I thought I wouldn't after leaving the office job, but I did.

I am the best.

Skips

Not the crips but the metal things used to house builders waste.

I know this is about building again, but skips deserve their own mention. Here as some things I like about skips:

1) They have lots of exciting waste in them. Some of it is crap, but some of it is brilliant and worth pillaging. Either way, to look in a skip is a guarantee of a good time.

2) One big mass of waste. Thats what happens. Builders add their mess willy nilly and they also empty the remains of their mortar and cemenent and plastar and filler and silicon and all sorts. The net effect is this binds all the stuff together and you get a massive skip clump of waste. I find it amusing.

3) Where does it all go? Landfill I am sure, but I like to think there are huge mounds of skip shaped debris somewhere.

4) Using skips. The most frightening thing but also the most joyous is when a skip gets quite full or you need to get a wheel barrow of stuff in it. They have high sides and the barrow is no doubt laden with old bricks. The solution? A plank up the side. The trick then is getting the wheel barrow up it. Sounds easy but it aint! You need momentum to get the weight up there and so have to have a run up. This then gives a few dangers 1) you may not get enough speed and roll down again or 2_) your aim is not right due to the imense running speed and you tople over the edge. But a well aimed and runned dump fills you with joy like nothing else!

The house next door to us is being worked on at the moment and I had the pleasure of seeing the skip delivered the other day. I filmed it and it was funny. Might try and get it online so you can all share in teh joy. Skips being delivered and taken away are crazy. It takes less time than you would think, but while its being done looks crazy dangerous like the skip is gonna collide into a house at any moment.

I long to have my own skip one day.

Why I like building sites.

I love building sites. I quite like builder.

I was once a builder. FACT. I say builder, I was in fact a builders labourer/assistant/burden. When I returned from Australia I temped for a while before a friend of my Mum, who was a builder, motioned that he needed a new labourer. I thought a summer of building would be fun, good for fitness and earn me cash in hand so I accepted the post.

Building was hard. It took a lot of concentration and hard work as being the labourer much of my day was lifting, carrying, holding and such like. I got to use tools too which was exciting, but to be fair a bit daunting as you don't want to mess up! Especially when its just you and a builder and thats it, to balls up can mean you cause quite a few problems. I caused quite a few problems. One reason was probably as I was smoking mucho weed at the time due to being depressed! So I was monged for the best part of the day, especially as it started at about 7.30 (why do builders start so early?). Also I am a DIY clutz. I can do it, but I often bodge my way through things and work it out as I go along. Now builders also do this, but they do it with a lot of experience and so their bodges are good, mine are not. Hence there was often heated atmospheres as I would fail in my task of cutting straight or measuring well.

Anyway, thats one reason I like building as I did it for a while and it was a fun summer so I guess it reminds me of that.

However, the other reasons are all due to the exciting things that take place:
1) Cranes. There my favourate. Moving around, lifting things, being really high. I love them. they are a great symbol of modernity I think as signify purest building and construction. Not a great thing by any means, but they are exciting none the less. I like the fact they move quite elegantly, I have wanted to film cranes for ages and put them to music like they are doing a dance or something. I love the fact to build a crane you need another crane too! Its funny. The buiilding crane crane is often on the back of a lorry too, which is exciting because its a lorry. I like the massive concrete ballast a crane needs to off set its weight. I want to go up a crane...if only Jim'll still fixed things!
2) Cement mixers and lorries. Cement mixers are just a raw basic bit of machinary. They churn things and thats it. I used to got frequently chastised when I was a building for calling mortar cement. Mortar it the mix of sand, water and cement. Cement is just the grey powder stuff that gets in your lungs and makes you feel wrong. Making mortar is exciting as it sticks things and nobody nows how. Cement lorries are just a glorified mixer really, but there is one constant question everyone wants to know...what do they look like on the inside?
3) Building sites. There is plenty of milage for excitement here. I like the signs that say things like: NO HAT, NO BOOTS, NO HI-VIS, NO WORK! There is a sign by Brighton Station that says: 58 days with no reportable incidents. I guess we are supposed to be inspired by the fact the builders on site don't mame theyselves under the direction of Balfour Beaty! There is a lot of action on a building site too. Builders going this way and that, cranes picking up stuff and dropping it off. People with clip boards and suits that look out of place, purest mess - its a watchers dream. I also like the fact if you go past a big site often you can see its progress. The progress is mystifying because at first they just dig a big big hole. This takes them a long time. The hole is then filled with odd bits of metal and lots of concrete (which is more exciting than mortar by the way) and this takes them a long time. Then the building starts and they seem to get it up in about 3 days. Then the finishing off stage begins, where most action happens out of site inside the building. It is this bit that takes the longest and its porbably because they have more cups of tea as nobody can see them.

They are my top 3 reasons at the moment, but there are more. Oh yes, there are more.

I may share them one day.

Bestival 2006

Having a quick break from writing the shit that is my dissertation.

So finally uploaded my Bestival photos to Flickr!

HURRAH.

Go here:

BESTIVAL 2006 PHOTOS

Nice.

Diaries of a Photographer Part 2

25/10/06

14.18 - Collected my new van today and so coupled the excursion to Coldeen Beach with a photography mission!
Drove to a place called Normans Bay Beach (1066?!?!) and have been walking along the beach to see what I can see.
I had spotted the area from the train and it isn't dissapointing.
Classic seaside. Huge beach thats empty apart from litter. Wind and rain beating down and that sombre atmosphere only experienced in places like this and on days like this.
Just broken into Normans Bay Caravan Park to use their facilities. Its big and plush and rammed with motorhomes and plenty of people sitting in them looking disgruntled infront of T.V's. Why would you camp at this time of year?
The backdrop is purest fields and wetlands and the area is both picturesque, tourist and a strangely inhabited dream. Trying to photograph the drabness and beauty of it in one.

15.37 - I have returned to the van. It is pissing it down. A hard day in all - beach walking is hard going and whilst Pevensy is unlike anywhere else I have been its hard to photograph. The atmosphere of the place is quite unique and I don't know if my photos will reveal that.
A maze of beach side houses, caravans and an insane de-mob like estate that feels like American suburbia.
A re-visit is essential.
Oh year, I think I ruined a whole film too and I only took 3 all day!

The Guf

I bought a new van the other day.

I say new, its 10 years old.

I was struggling with my project a bit as I was restricted to photographing stuff accessable from train lines. Fun though it was it meant a train journey then a whole days walking to another train station. Straying off track meant I would be stranded in the countryside...hence a vehicle was needed to open things up.

So I got a van, one I can sleep in the back of if need be. its a Citroen C15, here is a picture:




That isn't my actual van, just the style of van I got. Its a funny little thing but seems quite good. Just got to get some form of matress in the back so I can drive miles away and kip in it over night.

Its funny driving a van. I am used to cars. Vans are heavy, noisey, smelly but quite a lot of fun. Makes you feel your doing something important when driving one, even if you are not. And as it is a van - people get out your way more!

Hurrah for being mobile again. Haven't had a car for a few years and didn't really miss it, but now I have one again - I can see the benefits!!!

Diaries of a photographer Part 1

Greetings.

I went on one of my photographic missions the other day for my current project and as I often do, wrote some stuff as I did my walk. Helps me to remember stuff that may be pertinant at a later date and its a nice break from taking pictures! So, I thought I would serialise it here on the blog. Hurrah. So here is part one.

12/10/06

10.30 - Arrived in Lewes and gone to the river. Lewes feels like a town that wants to stay stuck in the middle class past! It is beautiful in parts yet shatered by a Tesco to my right and a brewery to the left. The brewery has a nostalgic auro about it.

11.23 - Not sure wheter I avoid photos of people due to not wanting to ask or as an aesthetic choice! There were a couple of work men, could have made a good image but I didn't. People detract from the landscape a bit though, the image becomes more about them than their surroundings perhaps?
The river is like a railway - it has a band of non space running by it, interspersed with industry. The railway runs near this river though and I guess pre-industrialisation would have been the main transport system.

13.35 - The solitude of these walks is what really appeals to me I think. being alone with thoughts and the landscape only sharing what I shoot or write.
Having said that, I have come accross several walkers today. The first, Steve from Lewes stopped and chatted about photography and the river. He used to be a photographer but gave it up as he was spending too much time in a studio and not enough outside.
Second three retirees on a jaunt. One questioned me about my camera and how he had gone digital after 20 years of inhaling darkroom chemicals!
What is it with men and the gagetry of photography - spotting cameras and discussing models!
It also seems to me the old timers are moving to digital more than the new photography blood.
Can't help thinking these images I am taking are saying nothing. Am I just another middle class landscape photographer desperately seeking nostalgia in England's garden?
So what am I drawn to? Solitude, pictureseque, industry and decline, non spaces, the proximity of urban and rural, the sublime and the practical elements of modernity meeting.

16.03 - Sitting back on Steve from Lewes' perch.
I went the wrong way.
The route never reallt tallied up with the map. At Lewes I just saw some interesting stuff down river and went that way...the wrong way.
I had to take a detour as I got to some private land. Thats when I was sure something wasn't right.
I met another gent, he was interested in my camera. I asked for directions back to the river and thats when it transpored I was near Barcombe.
Apparantly Barcome is very nice.
I am heading back to Lewes the way I came as I didn't want to be walking through fields come sun down. Still. I saw some interesting stuff I wouldn't have done otherwise and I can save Newhaven for another day.
I guess it shouldn't really matter which way I go for this project, its what I see on route.
Still not sure what I am trying to achieve. The more I try to explain my motivations, the more lost I get.
I guess its just a matter of sticking to the idea and working it through.
Man in a canoe just went past. That will teach me to ensure I have film loaded at all times.

Lovely prizes, lovely brother.

Watcha.

We are fundraising for our final year show at Uni. Its gonna cost a minimum of £6000 for the gallery space in London alone, so its all a bit frantic!

Anyways, I managed to blag loads of stuff from photographers, mainly signed prints and books of their work. We have got 30 prizes so far and the possibility of more. So far the range of photographers is great and we have been given stuff by some amazing, not to mentioned internationally renowned artists.

Tickets are a mere £1 each for the chance to win some original art that you may not have got your grubby mitts on otherwise.

For more information you can visit the all new snazzy website designed by none other than the fabulous Dave who freely donated his time to create the site and it looks great. So check it out and if you want to buy some tickets, let me know!

www.photographyprizedraw.co.uk

MORE on impending nuclear WAR

Just had a flick through the Independent who are banging on about Korea's nuclear test the other day.

There is a map which shows which countries have Nukes and which don't and the quantities they have. Here is my unofficial chart of the top Nuke owners:

1) Russia - 8,232 nuclear weapons
2) USA - 7,068 nuclear weapons
3) China - 402 nuclear weapons
4) France - 348 nuclear weapons
5) Isreal - 200 nuclear weapons (estimated)
6) UK - 185 nuclear weapons
7) India/Pakistan (tied place) - 30-50 nuclear weapons

Lovely stuff! The figures above are totals, long and short range added together. Incidentally, UK and France have no long range weapons.

Now, call me a fool but my understanding is that the power of nuclear weapons these days are hundreds if not thousands of times more powerful than those that were dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki by the gung-ho Yankies in WWII. Lets not mock them for the inferior quality of their weapons at that stage...remember kids - they dropped them on Japan (twice!!!) in order to test them more than to end the war.

So, back to my point, given the enormous power of the weapons and given the fact relitively few countries (to our knowledge) possess them, why on Gods not so green earth does a country need over 8000 of the bastards? What the hell are they going to launch them at? Surely that many could wipe out every major city in the world, what will be left to nuke after that? Perhaps they want some spares in case the operating system in some of the missiles crash and are rendered inoperable?

I was relatively comforted to know that we didn't have very many, still too many, but we are even lower than France. I reckon we should get rid of 184 of them. That way, we still have one we can launch at whatever country fires one off at us. We can then die smugly in the knowledge we have given as good as we got.

Impersonal personal appologies

I was waiting for a train earlier.

(London Road Brighton to Moulsecoomb should you be interested).

The tannoy (speaker system) sounded:

'Platform 1 for the 4.40 to Brighton. I am sorry to announce, this service is delayed by aproximately 33 minutes. I am sorry for the delay'

A nice kind manly voice letting me know whats happened.

A nice kind manly recorded voice letting me know the news.

A nice kind manly recorded voice speaking in the first person informing me of my impending travel disaster?

No thanks. Don't record a voice and then try to make out it is a live recording by use of language.

Not on my watch.

Smokey Robinson

Whilst in London today (see previous post) I realised how little I wanted to live there.

Its always been a bit of a tough call as I do love London. I think its a beautiful city (in parts) and hostorically fascinating. There is a great culture scene there with constant access to whatever type of whatever art form you like.

There is also a certain 'cool' factor to London. Its promoted as being the place to be and those from London walk around as though it is the place to be and they are the people to be in the place to be, you see? Sometimes I see these folk and a hazy mist falls over mine eye and I picture a world where I live in London and I too am a cool cat strolling the streets and doing my thing.

Then, reality bites again. I leave the train or tube and hit the streets. They are big, smelly, crowded and move at a pace that no human should sustain. As one of the anonomous crowd you rush with a new and unwanted purpose to your destination. It seems like London is comprised of millions of small particles some of which collide for moments to show cohesion, but often are in their own world. When viewed from above all seems connected, but when amogst the particles the opposite seems true.

I also noticed teh school kids on the tube today and thought how crazy it must be to go to school in London and commute to school on the tubes each day. What an amazing place to grow up but also what an unnerving one.

I love London, but as a tourist, visitor or casual observer. I like to spend time there, but I also like to know I can escape to a home in a slower place where I am more conspicious and green space is not something you dream of owning one day as part of a roof top garden of an executive flat.

For me, London could only be done with pots of cash. For me, I could only have pots of cash if I sold myself to the corporate devil. For me, that is the last thing I ever want to return too.

Interestingly, as an 'artiste' people always ask if I will move to London after I graduate. That scares me a bit as I don't want to be forced to move to 'where its at' in order to be at. But London is but a commute away and hopefully there is room for artistic survival outside our elitist capital.

mamiya RZ67 Professional II

I GOT IT!!!

Finally the dream has come true and I have purchased myself a new camera.

I had been watching Ebay each day, as you will know, tracking various cameras trying to get a bargain and something I could afford.

I was watching this camera but wasn't really sure how much to pay. The sale on ebay ended though without it meeting the reserve so I emailed him and made him and offer which he accepted.

Today I went to meet said chap to collect the beast and it is now in my possession.

As many of you will know, I do own many many cameras, but this one is a bit special. I wont bore you with why BUT JUST ACCEPT IT IS AND I NEED IT. So there.

I am really excited. I even had to go to a Photographic studio in London to get it, which filled me with more joy. The worst thing is by the time I got home I had to come to work and now it is sitting there calling my name waiting for me to use it.

As of tomorrow my third year project work can officially start. WOO HOO.

Failed amusing joke

My lat post was number 69.

I was going to use it for a really funny school boy joke.

I forgot.

War and peace...

...Is a VERY big book, but thats not important right now.

What is important is N Korea claiming to have tested a nuclear weapon successfully.

There is uproar, obviously, and expected sanctions against them.

Each time nuclear issues take centre stage of world affairs due to an 'incident' like this I come back to the same question.

That is, if I was in a non nuclear country, in a volatile area, would I want nuclear powers?

I am not in that position so its hard to say, but I suspect I may very well believe that my country had as much right to that 'protection' as any other.

Its a sore and old argument creaking under its own cliche, but who are we to dictate who can have nuclear weapons when we ourselves are guilty of having them? How can we own something that we consider vital to our own security, yet, on the other hand, stop other countries from doing so due to economical sanctions and political bully tactics?

Now, I am not saying a country like N Korea is a great place. I am not saying their people live a free live and support the government. I am not saying their government are stable and rational and would not do something the world would deeply regret, but then would America or the UK not fall into all those fears?

The UK and US human rights record is not really the best and has come into question again in recent years. We all know the US are the only ones ever to use nuclear power in war. We also know they are quite prone to crusades to enforce their beliefs.

From my view, our political system is much better and fairer than N Korea or a country like it, but I am sure certain people in those regime's would argue the same. So how can we be so sure we are right and how can we be the world's school master, choosing which children have which prvilidges and which we will punish for not sticking to the rules based on our history, culture and political beliefs.

I find it all a bit frightening, but the US having nuclear weapons is the thing I probably find most frightening. Their gung-ho attitude suggests they are as likely to slip and touch the red button as anyone else.

Until we dissarm how can we be so hypocritical?

Short

My enteries are getting too long.

Short and snappy from now on please.

I am Leppers Lepper.

I like to write to David Lepper.

He is my local MP don't you know. I address my letters to him:

David Lepper MP

That makes me laugh.

I enjoy writing to him for a few reasons:

1) I get replies sent to me on House of Commons paper and that is funny. Also they come in a house of commons envelope and that is funny. They are on posh cream paper that has raised lettering and that too is funny.
2) I feel important when I get a reply from an MP which is funny once more because of reason 3, my primary motivation for writing...
3) They have to reply! HA HA HA! Its a captive audience that you can moan at and they are duty bound as your representative to reply to you...IN FULL! They also often forward your letter onto another department who reply to the lepper who then replies to me. ITS BRILLIANT. Rarely do you get to see a direct result of your democratic powers but writing is one small way you can and it will fill your day with glee.
4) I love post. I still get excited when I hear the postman and I run to the flap (snigger) to get my mail. Often I don't have any and often its dull, but its still exciting to hear the flap open (snigger). So when you send a letter like to an MP the anxiety about whether today will be the day you get a reply is almost too much to take. That too makes me laugh.
5) You get to have your voice heard, no matter how quietly. As I said, they usually send your letter to a government department and that department must investigate and reply fully. Usually they have to reply really quickly too! I know this as I have had to do it when working for a government department. A sense of panic ensuses when an MP letter comes in and the civil servants shit themselves with the possibility of telling the MP something wrong or worse still being found out to do something wrong.
6) In my best David Lepper MP letter he replied to me and sent me an extract of a question he asked in parliament. That means as a result of my whinge (about the council tax system it was) loads of other MP's were inflicted with my views. POLITICAL CASH BACK!
7) Once they have replied to you with an answer they seem to have a habit of writing a few months later to see if you were satisfied. Now this is the best bit as it gives you ample reason to reply again and tell them you were not happy and the whole brilliant process continues.

So I am currently waiting for a reply on a question about student loan weighting and once I get the reply I shall leave it a bit and then think of something else to write about!

My ultimate ambition is for my name to flash up in red on MP's computers when a letter from me comes in, brandishing me as a 'troublemaker'. even better than that would be to get a letter saying they wont reply to me anymore. I will then be an official nusance and will be happy to the end of my days.

jesting aside though, it is an important issue. MP's are there to serve and if we don't write to them with our grumbles there isn't a chance in hell that they will be addressed.

Long live the writing a letter to an MP revolution. Try it today, you might like it.

A proper Uni with proper buildings and proper students!

I have two things to dicuss about proper students truth be told. Lets divide them neatly into story 1 and story 2. 1 being the first and 2 being the second.

Story 1 - New people have moved in upstairs. the old people that lived there were three students, dunno what they studied and only ever met them a handfull of times as they lived their lives, we lived ours and never the neighbours shall meet. However, exchanges were friendly and they respected our space and we respected theirs. They were obviously quite 'sensible' students who worked quite hard, played hard when appropriate and lived a good wholesome life! The main thing that alerted us to their constant presence was their footsteps from above. We never heard music or parties, just steps and a few shrieks and quite a few unknown thuds. They were good neighbours.
The new people are three Irish students. They study Pharmacy or some such subject. they have been there two weeks and are clearly 'proper' students. they come and go constantly with louder thuds and footsteps than their predecessors. They shriek, scream, laugh and make a social racket most of the time. They play terrible (and I do mean terrible) music a fair amount and seem to go out and get drunk most nights of the week. Often before going out they will have a mini warm up party with more terrible music and dancing on the reverberating floors! They then leave the house signing and return hours later drunk. You can tell they are drunk due to their inability to do anything at normal noise levels! Its a far cry from the old ones and not a good move really. Living independently from the university circles I don't experience the 'proper' student life much and as such kind of forgot it existed! Them upstairs are a stark although quite amusing reality check as to what a lot of them are probably like. Thank the lord I didn't live in halls or student digs, thats all I say. I am sure if I were 6 or 8 years the younger I may have quite enjoyed it and looked at 'fake' students like me with horror, fear and repulsion.

Story 2 - Today I went to the Sussex Regional Access Centre at Sussex Uni (Falmer) to get accessed to see what they will give me for being a S.P.A.G spaz. It was fun. The university campus is so monumentally vast that it should be called a city in its own right.
'You are now entering the city of Brighton & Hove incorporating the metropolis of Sussex Uni (Falmer)'
Thats what I am going to write to David Lepper MP about next (see future post) to get them to re-plant the sign made of flowers when you first enter the shores of Brighton.
I couldn't believe what was there, a road network, a cycle path network, its own railway station, sports complex, theatre, millions of buildings that house the courses - all named after counties and I think they used every county in the country! - shops (multiple shops at that and repeats of the same shop as the site is so big they can justify it), a photo processors, a huge student union, clubs, war zones, small colonies of humans that once walked into the campus and never found their way out and have evolved to live of what students discard, an airport, a port, a tank and a small collection of tuters of course.
I jest.
But it is big and it is clever. There are even signposts and map points directing you places! There are tables with people campaigning about things and massive signs advertising student get togethers to discuss politics and alike. The place was swarming with students going from one part of campus to another and stopping to hug their friends. I didn't even see all of it and I understand there is a massive complex of halls there.
Its nuts!
If you compare that to Grand Parade where I school, or even Moulsecoomb which is the main campus and where I am currently working as I type, the place is vast! Grand Parade probably has a thousand students if that and there is no big complex, no signs, no campaigns and none of the other exciting stuff. There is a shitty cafe and a shitty shop, neither of which are cheap and not even a canteen. Students come and go but few stop and hug and most seem inconspicuous to anyone who isn't on their course.
It was an eye opener to see how these 'proper' students lived in the sense they went to a proper uni! I guess thats the price to pay for going to an ex-poli. Not that I care as the art school is really good (in its own special ways!).

STUDENTS.

1 funny sign

I saw a sign today and it made me laugh!

I doubt it will appear as funny to anyone else, but I shall attempt to explain myself.

The sign was in a greasy spoon style cafe just off London Road. Never been in there as I have chosed Tiffanies as my cafe and to go elsewhere would be tantamount to vandalism. Having said that the mighty Tiffs has recently changed hands and is not as good so I may be on the look out for a new breakfast eatery.

AS I walked past the cafe I looked in with interest, as one often does, to view the undesirables, down and outs and simple folk that frequent such places (I count myself to be one of these and hence enjoy such cafe's myself). I then noticed the window was littered with printed signs advertising their breakfast wares. The signs read:

ALL DAY BREAKFAST.
OPTION 1
1 Egg
1 Bacon
1 Sausage
1 Mushroom
1 Tomato
1 Toast
1 Tea/Coffee

It doesn't seem as funny when typed by my fair fingers, but apart from sausage and perhaps egg most of them are daft! So I will get 1 bacon with my breakfast will I? What does 1 bacon involve? As for 1 mushroom and 1 tomato I have no idea if I actually get just the one, but if so I would send my hang over cure back post haste. 1 Toast is a dafty too as is that one half, one full piece or what?

It amused me anyhow, using singular to describe the plural...whatever next!

playground tactics...no rabbit in a hat-tricks

So the gig.

They were brilliant!

It was probably the best gig I had been to since Garry Wilmots wedding. Normally gigs get on my nerves a bit for a few reasons:

1) They are expensive
2) They are really short
3) The support is often lackluster
4) The crowds are odd.

Point 4 needs expansion as its a pet hate for me. Hate is not the word, more of a pet confusion (like Meg, she is a pet confusion - I ponder what she is on about at least a dozen score and ten times a day!). Why oh why oh why are gig crowds so static? Given that everyone there is generally there because they really like the band playing and so know and like the music and are probably into music generally and have paid a lot of money...would they just stand? When you are used to clubbing and non-dancers in a club are almost detested, its a strange experience as probably the majority of gig goers don't really dance. Some wiggle a bit and some shake their heads but some literally move nothing. Unless of course the lead singer asks the crowd to put their hands in the air like they just don't care...in which case the non movers just don't care and put their hands in the air. Ironic really as those crowd participation bits of gigs are the bits I respond to the least! Me and Hannah danced like loons, as any self respecting J5 fan would and I would love for someone who is a regular gig goer to explain to me why they don't move? I can only assume its due to lazyness or embarasement?

Anyhoo, its rare at any performance that the performers look like they are absolutely loving what they are doing, but J5 did just that and were all smiling from start to finish. Their energy and enthusiasm knows no bounds and as a result it was an amazing show. Fears of them not being so good after the mighty Cut Chemist's departure are quashed as DJ NU-Mark is more than capable and even outstanding at times. The hightlight, predictably, was Chali 2na though, the man is simply a legend and constantly engaged with the audience. Plus his deep booming voice is comedy and technical genius!

They also played a great mix of old and new so didn't dissapoint. I was worreid they would let me down by not playing Concrete Schoolyard and things, but no, they did and peace was restored in John world.

When you have wanted to see someone for ages, the fear of them being rubbish amasses quite a bit and so it was refreshing that they beat expectations. Often at gigs I look at my watch a bit as I get a bit bored and restless, but I didn't look at it once, which must be a good sign!

Hurrah for J5.

The funny thing was, getting to London and back to longer than the whole length of the gig!

London smells. Sometimes in a nice way, sometimes bad.

In conclusion, go and see J5 at all costs and bring an army of mates with you so you can show the gig crowd that dancing is the order of the day! Not to is simply insulting!

S.P.A.G

I knever spall chack anythink that I wrote.

Probably because I am lazy.

Incidentally I have my dyslexia meetings this week to find out what help I get...hopefully someone to do all my dissertation reading for me and then summarise what they find out in a neat and intelectual 8000 word essay!

Its the J, U, R, A CAPITAL S another S, I, C, 5...

Shit on me, I saw them! The mighty and increadible J5.

I have liked J5 since their first album in 98 or whenever it was. Thats 8 years of desperately wanting to see them live. As I think I said before, they were one of a few people on my list of people I must see or else cut my ears off that I hadn't seen. The others, mainly, are routed in history and shall never be realised as a dream.

Before I proceed with some gig related stories, I first want to have a little whinge about some bitch faced goat breathed whore on Ebay. I love Ebay don't get me wrong and after 22 transactions, I have never had a problem. Usually the Ebay community is fair and respects both buyer and seller. However, sometimes, you get an idiot who thinks they have the right to be a fuck and let their fuckness fuck up non-fucks. Are you with me still?

So me and H bought FOUR tickets to the gig expecting that our friends would jump at the chance to come along. However...they didn't. The two most likely candidates were Dave and Phil. Both love J5, both love music but clearly neither had the balls to come along and for that there will always be something wrong with them in mine eye. So we sold the tickets on Ebay. By the time we had them the concert was a few weeks away. The first effort at selling got no bids. So we re-listed with a more than fair £40 buy it now price. Someone bought them now (or then anyway!) and we were pleased. I sent a lovely email congratulating them and asking for prompt payment so they would get the tickets in time. They said they would send payment soon. We were pleased. But no payment came...I sent emails...no reply. Still no payment came and now it was Thursday. The concert was Sunday...we were not pleased.
I even texted the scally (incidentally they were a northerner, don't want to cast stereotypes or anything but all northerners are theives*) and got no reply. So Thursday night we re-listed them with a new buy it now of £35, lower than the ticket value! Some bloke bought them and sent payment within minutes...a proper ebayer. At least they had gone to a good home and most of our money was re-couped so we were somewhat pleased.
Still had no word from her, so I have lodged a dispute thing with Ebay. The worst of it is I looked at her feedback and she had done the same to someone else! And when they gave her negative feedback as a result she had the nerve to give them negative feedback too!
Thats the problem with Ebay, its probably the most ingenious use of the internet but it is not infalable to people who think they have the right to screw others over. I wouldn't have minded so much if it was a normal item, but with tickets its time critical.

Christ, I have really gone on! Sod it, thats then end of this post. I shall do a new jollier one on gig related events!

* I really don't mean that about northerners. I love northerners and its unfair to say they are all theives. I would say a good 10% are nice and fair individuals ;)

Its hard this not working in an office thing...

..as I never seem to make time to write anything.

As mentioned before, life just seems to take you away when you are not sitting in the same chair for 8 hours a day with the only comforts you have being: the internet, coffee, the window and perhaps the occasional mocking of a colleague. Freedom means a greater choice of what to do with ones time and for me, sitting in front of a computer is not it. Thats why I don't do digital photography as I like to 'get my hands dirty' metaphorically speaking. In reality, cameras are quite clean...unless you touch a greased part.

Anyway, I am in the library again and thought I would do some posts whilst I have a well deserved break from dissertation reading. I am now on my third book since Saturday and my brain is begining to hurt a bit. Its all quite interesting but reading a 280 page academic book on teh representation of landscape in England through photography is enough to deliver a serious head blow to anyone. Unless they are a critic. Or a fool. Or just weird.

The dissertation is a necersary evil I guess. Part of me likes to argue that it is put into art courses to make them appear academic so as to earn the title of a degree. That is true in part I think and ultimately, I don't care what title they give me at the end of my three years as it is the three years that counts. However, on the other hand, the research is quite valuable. What I have read so far has certainly put my practice into context and made me think about how I am going to express myself this year, so thats all good. Its just the volume of reading and writing that fucks with my conciounce as ultimately I came to Uni to take photos and not to write some 8000 word text that nobody is going to really give a shit about and will not be breaking any new ground and to get a good mark for I will be forced to write like I am some sort of beurgoise idiot who gets a partial stiffy whenever I get to use words like Juxtoposition and Semiotics and Signified and Signified and all that guff.

Who else thinks that stiffy is not used enough? I forgot what a funny word it was.

By the way, I have bought a camera. Sort of anyway, should be collecting it at the end of the week sometime. It cost me the princly sum of £550! I think Photography is one of those things that they just add a few hundred pounds to the price of anything if it has 'photography' in its title. A camera is just a box that doesn't let light in with a few windy bits and a lens is just some glass with a quite clever but very old design adjustable apeture. Why do they cost so much? The same reason why anything with Yaught, Wedding or Fudge do thats why.

I made up fudge, in fairness that is relatively cheap considering the delicious reward and nourishment it provides.

OUT.