Guilt, procrastination and foolishness

May 2004 my good friends Linus and Heather got married.

It was a joyous occasion and a fantasticaly memorable wedding.

I had the honour of being asked to do the wedding photos. It was my first ever time at being a wedding photographer and I was scared.

However, a lot of practice, reading and concentration meant the job went well. It was made easier due to it being such a lovely wedding and me being very fond of those getting married, so making pictures that conveyed that was not a huge chore or difficulty. Ironically, I have never done such a good job since! Perhaps the first time nerves helped.

This is where we get to guilt, procrastination and foolishness. Three traits I am a master of.

I knew taking on the task of doing their wedding was quite a big one. Obviously there is the day itself, but its the task after that is hard as I had decided to print all the images by hand. I really wanted to and I was given free reign to print what I liked how I liked and present it in whatever way I saw fit. My plans were large and my ambition huge. I wanted to do the best wedding photos ever and as well as that present them in a unique and interesting way that would make the photos a pience of furniture/ornament type thing. Something that could sit in their living room looking nice and contain the treats of the images inside.

The printing took a long time. I was printing through the first year of my degree so had to do it inbetween my projects, and it was not just a matter of printing them, but I had to do the contact sheets then decide what images to print from there and then print them. There were 9 films in all so thats well over 300 pictures to choose from and I choose a lot to print.

Things were going OK though, time was pressing on but I was slowly getting on with it. Towards the end of my first year at Uni I realised how long I had taken and so did a final push to finish the printing. I did.

I then sat on the photos for some time, unsure exactly how I wanted to present them. I had an idea in my head, but wasn't sure how it would manifest. All I knew was first of all I needed to find a suitable box or such to use as the basis for presentation. The search commenced and I put it to the back of my mind.

Some time later the right thing was found and I went back to the photos. A substantial number were ruined. The technician at school can't have mixed the processing chemicals right as some had faded or gone browish. A re-print was needed. I was a bit depressed, especially as we must have been at the year/year and a half mark since the wedding and I had aimed to do it by their first anniversary!

Eventually I got off my arse again and did the re-prints. I had the thing to present them in too, it was just finalising the presentation that was required.

This is when the real procrastination kicked in. And imense guilt and the amount of time it had taken. Then foolishness in the classic John of ignoring something so it would go away or at best I wouldn't feel bad about it. Thats never a good solution kids! One day I may learn.

The second year at school came and went and the summer holidays began. The third year approached and I was adamant I would finish them before I started my third year. I didn't. Again see notes on guilt, procrastination and foolishness. Extra foolishness came in here as I don't really like presenting things and I aint that good at it (unless I concentrate REALLY hard and I am easily distracted!).

However, I knew the time was nigh and it must be done. Luckily for me my wonderfull Hannah is rather amazing at presenting and thinking of ways of doing so and her insights gave light at the end of the tunnel (thats the tunnel that runs under Guilt mountain between Procrastination and Foolishness). Things were in hand and progressing but again school and the shit that is the dissertation were jumping on my back and weighting me down with fear.

Linus, praise the lord, then texted me last week with what has to be said was a really kind and gentle reminder! No swearing or insults or nothing, which I think they would be forgiven for doing 30 months after the wedding. The text was the final straw and I set myself a deadline of this Thursday to get the job done.

More stress and much help from Hannah later and I have actually finished all bar the last few bits of tidying up and Thursday I can hand it all over to L&H.

Its a relief I can tell you. Not only can something thats been on my to do list for 2 and a half months be struck off, but also they can finally get their pictures and let their family see them too.

The worst thing is that, and not being big headed, they are amazing! And the presentation is amazing. All together it looks really good and I am well happy with what I have done. Its just a shame that the fact it has taken so long will overshadow the final result a bit. Its also a shame I did the other John classic of not talking about it and as such avoiding the subject with L&H so as not to have to make excuses.

Now 30 months is a crazy amount of time, I think its forgivable for me to have taken a fair while as I have been doing my degree and working and moving house and all those other things that seem to take up every bit of time and energy. Also I have printed a lot of photos, many more than normal for a wedding, especially as they are all hand done.

Not sure why I am spleening all this really, I guess to gush my relief on the world of the internet for having completed them and I am looking forward to handing it over to the rightfull owners. I am also looking forward to re-establishing things with L&H. They have been amazingly fair and silent over the whole thing, but alas my guilt, procrastination and foolishness have meant I have been a bit wary of seeing them at times as I thought they must be spitting blood at my slow slow progress at doing the pictures.

Still, I have finished beating myself up about it and finished putting off doing it. Job done and the best thing to happen now is for me to learn from my errors and L&H to hopefully enjoy what I have done for them for a long time to come.

Anyway, after another 30 months they will have forgotten it took that long for them to see the photos in the first place!

Thanks for your time, and sorry if you are one the many people reading this who has probably been affected by the John G.P.F.

The moral of the story - never ask me to photograph your wedding and if you do NEVER let me suggest I will hand print them!

It lucky L&H were not a 90 year old couple getting married or perhaps they never would have seen the photos ;)