Behold my gnarly face.

I like it when people of an older persuasion have a weathered face.

You know they have had a full and probably hedonistic lifestyle!

Ultimately, if your gonna get old and your face is going to sag, you may as well do it in style wouldn’t you say?

I find it hard not to try and work out what they have done in their life to get such an interesting face.

Sometimes I hope my face will respond accordingly when I am an old!!!

Whatever happens, I think I will have a classic old man face. There are a number of reasons for this:

1) I have a round, almost fatty nose. Ergo it will be massive when I am an old man.
2) I am reasonably hairy and should therefore be able to sport a massive straggly beard!
3) I already have slight hairy ears and this guarantees me hairy ears and nose when I am old.
4) I have quite bushy eyebrows. I also get eyebrow hairs that are over an inch long, so will have massive eyebrows when I reach maturity.
5) I frown a lot so will have a massive wrinkled forehead and eye area further down the line.

See, it’s worth staying friends with me for another 50 years so you can mock my face!

(Spot the old person theme for my posts today!!!)

90 and counting

So I went to Ledbury on Saturday to go to my nan's 90 birthday bash!

90! Now thats a proper head fuck!

That means she was born in 1917, the end of WW1. If you are my sort of age, then thinking back to decades I lived through, like the 80's seems long enough ago. The 50's seems like a different age and the first few decades of the twentieth century are something I cannot even associate with, apart from through history books and old films!

The only other association I have is with my Nan, who existed then. Crazy. She doens't talk about her life much, even with some probing she will chat about things, but I don't know a huge amount. I guess that is not suprising though as remembering interesting or relevant things over a 90 year life span can't be easy, plus my nan is quite private so doesn't generally chat about herself anyway.

I find her amazing though, absolutely amazing. She has recently moved into a sheltered flat, earlier this year in fact. Up till that point she has lived in the same big house, in a small feudel-like village called Eastnor for about as long as I have been alive. My grandad died some years ago and so she has been home alone so to speak, maintaing a 4 bedroom house and garden by herself. She still drives and until about 5 years ago (if that) she was doing meals on wheels for pensioners, some of whom were over 20 years younger than her.

I love her spirit as although her age is showing more these days, she is determined to live her life and support herself as long as possible.

It was strange to celebrate her birthday, aware of how old she was. I don't mean that to sound off, like I was shocked by her age, more I was just silenced somewhat by the fact I was in the presence of someone who had seen and experienced so much and must know a wealth of things that in the not to distant future, will be lost forever.

I often wonder if thats why I am an artists. To preserve or at least try and document elements of my life and those around me in this age, for future years. If we don't record things some way, then how much of this knowledge will be lost?

I often think that we, as a society, treat older people with little respect. They retire and we treat them as kids again. In other cultures, the elders of a tribe lead that tribe. or at least they are consulted for their experience about important issues. I find it insane how bad we are at that, how much experience just gets over looked because we consider older people to be no use to society any more.

I find it a shame we don't have a decent story telling tradition in our modern culture. I would love to be armed with a wealth of stories past down to me from my relatives that I could relay to the generations below me to preserve the knowledge and take it into account, when ineviatably, similar situations arise.

My nan has had an insane background. She is from a traditional colonial family background. She went to finishing school in Switzerland, lived in India for many years of her youth and countries like South Africa as an adult.

Her father was chief of police in India and so must have been involved in events that I would find appauling. But how I would love to know more about that and what his life was like. She showed me some photos a few years back of her parents wedding, or maybe it was grandparents, in India and I was shocked by the number of servants in turbans there were.

90 years of knowledge and information, yet I do not make the time or effort to learn more from her.

Sometimes I like to moan!

And isn't that ok?

Perhaps a blog isn't the best place though as who comes here to read about my not-so-troubling troubles!

Onwards with normal blogging service!

My boring blog

I think we should have a vote about my blog.

Do you think we should have a vote about my blog?

I think we should have a vote about my blog.

Who thinks it has got rather dull recently?

I think it has got rather dull recently.

My ideas have dried up other than whinging about what I have been up to and the fear of finishing!

That should be no more I think. I wager things would improve if I returned to chatting absolute rubbish about the fascinating things I think and see in the world of John.

Who is with me?

Yeaaaah.

Yeahhhhhhh.

Yeah.

Bored is as bored does!

Now I have no school work to do and term is nearing and end, my library job is so dull!

Nobody comes to get computer advice and I have no work to do really!

It will be great to finish working here! Its been an amazing student job to be fair, well paid, not that many hours and not much to do other than my own work in my little office. But I am looking forward to not working evenings any more and not seeing these same library walls ever again!

At the moment, my new pass time at work obsession is Kdice. Its an online multiplayer game, really simple, yet addictive! Basically its exactly like risk. I have been doing quite well recently too, even won a few matches. stick cricket is a thing of the past, Kdice is the way forward!

The harsh reality of the art world

So now, the end is near, and so I face, the final curtain...

Not so much a curtain, more of a future of dissapointment and rejection ;)

Weeks left until I leave Uni officially. In two months I graduate, gown and all.

So, what they don't tell you before you embark on an art degree, is that your prospects after amount to nothing! I knew that anyway and never really expected to walk out of my degree in any better position than when I went into it, other than piles of debt and piles of experience and learning of course!

It suddenly dawns on you at this time of year that you have to go back to reality! My experience of doing an art course is you live in a crazy self indulgent bubble. Its fantastic and I would recommend it to anyone with a creative flare. Surrounded by shed loads of talent from all sorts of diciplines. Boundless facilities and three years of time dedicated to exploring your passions, interests and theories through art. It is a bubble from reality. Sure you may be skint, but there is always loans and hardship funds and interest free overdrafts, generous parents and that all important part time job. Apart from my stints of working full time in the holidays and my 10 or so hours (on average) working in the library each week during term time - I have been able to side step the normal existance of working 35+ hours in a job you care not for just to make ends meet.

Now, I am aware that this bubble is about to fall on a rather large spike and burst, quite instantly, with a resounding dissapointment, emptiness and confusion! I exagerate of course, but what are you supposed to do with an art degree?

I am obviously staying on in Brighton when I finish. As of a month or two, probably a week or two in reality! All my money will have dried up. My overdrafts maxed, my credit card heaving and other various loans niggling away at my wallet. Suddenly the council will want their tax again and living costs increase...but with no regular loan payments coming in to cover the worst of it.

So, who wants to employ a Photographer in Brighton? Nobody, thats who!

We have started to have a series of professional practice lectures from ex-graduates of my course. They come in and say what they did since leaving etc to give us an indication of the real life in the art world, outside the utopian dream that is art school.

The message from all of them? Its fucking hard! Basically there are a few options most people are interested in:

1) Fashion and editorial photography - to break this industry is notoriously hard. For starters you have to live in London as all the publishers are there. Then, even when you are getting images published and being commissioned for fashion shoots and such like, your skint. The chap today is getting photo shoots from ID magazine each month, but he gets paid £50 a page. He has to pay his costs, so on a few page shoot he may get £200 but will cost him two or three times that. Sometimes you get lucky and get a budget for a shoot - but that covers models, travel, accomidation, film and processing etc...and at the end of it...you get £50 a page! So this goes on for years until you hopefully get a break and make it as a name in the industry when you earn the big bucks. The other dream, of course, is you get commissioned for advertising work where you make billions!

2) An artist - basically this leaves you in a completely solitary position! Nobody pays you to produce bodies of work. You can get Arts Council grants etc if your lucky, or perhaps a residency somewhere - but the budgets are slim and you still front most of the costs yourself. The only hope to recoup them is if a gallery takes you on and you sell enough prints at a good enough price to make some of the losses back. Even then the gallery take at least 40% commisssion.

All this is obvious, nothing is a walk in the park and to succeed you always have to work hard. I am not bothered by that - I will make it or I wont, either way I will continue to make work for my own benefit and perhaps it will lead somewhere one day.

But, with everyone asking you what your going to do after graduating and with the knowledge you must earn to live (and quite a lot to live in Brighton) its all a bit daunting.

My plan has always been to get a part time job 3 or 4 days a week and dedicate the other days to my own practice and trying to get freelance work or whatever else I can to subsidise my income. I am confident(ish) that I can achieve this, but there are a lot of artists who are in the same boat, all jostling for very limited arts grants, even more limited gallery representation and precious few commissions if you don't work with people (which ineviatably I don't).

I find it quite funny really, at the start of the course you know your options are limited, but as the course goes on, you get submerged in self-indulgance. At the end of the course, you remember there are no prospects again and its hard not to let the panic set in a tad. The idea of pension regulating again fills me with dread!

But if you believe and want something enough, the universe provides does it not? I like to think so. Anyway, if the worst comes to the worst, I have had a three year break from the hum drum of everyday life to pretend at being an artist and I wouldn't change that for all the cameras in the world!

My phat suit!

When deciding what to wear to the private view of our exhibition, it was clear a suit was the way forward.

But this presented problems:

1) the only suit I own is shite

2) I don't like many suits, especially modern ones. they are really badly cut and hang on you like a sack and just look a bit shit really. I like really nice modern ones but they cost a fortune

3) I wanted a well fitting suit which, to get new, would have meant getting one tailered at vast expense

4) to get a decent vintage one costs lots too and they are in high demand

So, the best option was Ebay. Hannah measured every conceivable part of me and then the hunt began. I wanted a 60's or 70's Mod like suit that is properly fitted so it comes in at the sides etc and flatters the features! I wanted it to be brown too preferably and have a decent trouser that didn't look shabby.

We saw some beauties, but soon realised everyone wanted them and they were all going for upwards of £150. I can't justify that!

Then, the lovely and wonderous Hannah said she would get me one as a graduation gift, HUZZAH! And then in another turn of furtune we found one that perfectly fitted my requirements and all the sizes were just so and it was going for quite cheap (I think because its waistcoat was missing). We stalked it and did some craft last second bidding and got it for £70 I think all it - which for a suit is a bargain!

It came today and its shitting lovely! In absolutely amazing condition too, looks new! Its even Pierre Cardin or whatever the label is called, so its a proper designer and all!

Want to see it? Ok here you go:

GET IN! Of course, you will have to wait until the private view to see me adorned in it ;)

THANKS HANNAH, YOUR THE BEST!

The great set up...

No, I am not talking a great Heist such as 'The Sting' but the exhibition.

I dragged myself to school for midday as work started on setting up our exhibition today as it has to be done for Monday.

Much lifting and building of islands to show work on took place and a dash of painting for good measure.

There is shit loads of work to do though. We have to build many display islands, paint all the walls in the gallery and then hang all the work after carefully considering where it should go.

Its all exciting though and good experience. I am not technically on the exhibition committee but thought I would help anyway to:

1) get the experience
2) Make sure it gets done
3) get to have a say in where my work goes so I can get a good spot! AH ha ha ha

A bit cheeky, but then I am a course rep so can justify it ;)

We are showing in the main gallery space at the uni building, which is a great result and a really good space as its the first thing people see when they go in. It was a fight to get it this year as photography has had it for the last 4 years, but the tutors put up a good case and we triumphed!!!

FUCK YOU WORLD!

Excuse me for my rude title, it has no relevance to anything!

So, I am now finished. I handed my work in at 10am on Tuesday and there is no more to be said or done about it!

It was a bit of a frantic morning, hooned it into school for 9am to knock out one final print I wasn't happy with and to do a last bit of sequencing before I placed my portfolio box onto the shelf bearing my name...ready to be assessed last week.

It was probably one of the greatest anti-climaxes of my life! I felt there should be a brass band that trumpeted up when I handed in, but alas, no such event took place. I just stood around confused for a while wondering what I should do and whether I could have done anything better (I could have, of course!).

Its funny, you work for three years and it culminates in the moment yesterday of submitting a final major body of work that I began in September last year. The longest ongoing project I have ever worked on. The sum total of three years work in effect as everything before hand was preparation for the major piece. An odd feeling for sure. I wonder if its the same for courses that are assessed by exam?

Following the hand in, I went to Spectrum who are one of the major pro labs in the country. They are printing and mounting my five images that I will show in the exhibition and they were ready for me to go and check. Rather splendid they looked too. they are printed on 20 X 24" paper and looked great that large. The printed had done good too and followed all my instructions, I was happy! Its a shame I didn't print them myself really, but time was too much of an issue and to releive that extra stress I though bollox, may as well get it done properly! What is more, they are professional printers so I would hope they can do a better job than me! They will now be mounted onto sheets of Aluminium (pronounced the British way please). Its most exciting...if not costly!

Then I was at the biggest loose end of my life waiting to get drunk! And drunk I got.

Me and Hannah went to Wagamama and had a feed at about 6pm and drank a few cups of Saki. We followed this with a Manhatan at the Great Eastern before hot footing it to some pub where my course had hired the function room. Henry and Rodney came along later to join in the merry making and making merry we did. I drunk more than I have in a long time, gallons of JD and a fair few shots of Tequila. Ironically it was the most studenty night I have been on since being a student.

I was rather drunk, but still standing which is nice!

It was a top evening and a great way to mark the final day of degree work.

Today I feel like absolute shit.

15 hours to go...

Well its almost over.

3 years of my life wasted ;)

At 10am tomorrow I hand in my final major work, which is the last part of my assessed degree work. I will be a free man (almost).

Can't quite believe it! Four years ago, I tentatively signed up to some saturday courses in photography and off the back of that applied too and was accepted into University to study photography full time.

Now, that time has passed at an alarming rate and the end is firmly in sight.

I am rather calm too, hardly any last minute stressing or anything!

To be fair, I have managed my time quite well this year and so everything has falled nicely into place. Of course, there is always more you could do, but I have done my best, or as near to it as possible and so there is no more that can be done.

I am quite pleased with my final work too, its looking good. As a suffering artists, I wouldn't say I am happy with it completely...but then you shouldn't be. I think being unsatisfied with your work makes you keep trying.

All barr the shouting, I am a free man.

Of course, me being me, I am going to keep working until the end of term. There is the exhibition to set up and then I plan to make the best use of the facilities whilst I still can by scanning as many negatives as I can and printing spare copies of my work ready to enter competitions and such like with.

Our graduate exhibition opens on the 2nd of June to the public, but I will give more details of that soon.

I believe I get my marks on the 23rd of June and then have the graduation ceremony at the end of July.

After that...its the life of a poor struggling artist for me and I can't wait! A whole new set of challenges and finally something resembling a normal life back!