Bum Bags

We need to talk about carrier bags.

Today at lunch time, nothing funny or interesting happened. But I did find myself pondering the carrier.

I bought a printer from Jessops and rammed it into a carrier bag that probably wasn’t quite big enough. I then strolled back to the office with it and then it struck me, it struck me that most companies are in league with thieves.

You see, to the basic thinker, the carrier bag may be seen on two clear levels.
1) It’s a useful tool to carry a number of items that otherwise would be in your hands, cluttering them up and making it hard to do anything else with said hands.
2) Advertising. The logo of the shop is thrust onto its side and whilst we are conned with the bag being a service to help us carry, we are in fact brandishing the shop’s name and logo across town and beyond. If the shop is lucky, we will continue to use the bag for other things once we get home. Perhaps we might take our swimming stuff to the pool in it, or some items for a picnic. Either way, the advertising continues.

But, is there a more sinister plot in place conspiracy fans? I fear so.

Imagine, please, you are a no good thief. A scum bag. A scally. A bum (hence the name of this entry...get it?). A scouser (that ones a joke). You see a lad walking down the street with a slight grin and you note a large glistening Jessops carrier in their hand. Now, given the traditional reasons above you may think:

1) That person has been generously given a carrier to take their new items home to stop themselves having their hands cluttered should they need them for another use.
2) Hmmmm, Jessops hey, that’s interesting. I quite want a new camera, no I NEED a new camera. Jessops certainly sell them. Brilliant, SOLD, I am going to make my way there NOW and purchase a huge amount of equipment thus justifying the few pence them spend on producing the bags as they are getting hundreds in new business from it.

However, if I am to be believed, which I am, the person may think:
“They have bought lots of expensive camera equipment from Jessops, I am going to beat the living shitters out of them and make off with their equipment poste haste. I’ll lye low for an hour or two, then go to my local pub and sell it to pay for my crack. Or perhaps I will sell it on e-bay, for I stole a computer the other day from some idiot with a PC World bag!”

See my point, its blatantly advertising the fact you could be buying something expensive that should be stolen and seeing a bag has never prompted me to go to that shop. Unless it’s a bag from a record shop, in which case I think I would be tempted to buy a record.

So I say lets campaign for unmarked bags for safety sake. I reckon the only shops that should have branded bags are corner shops as it’s more than possible you would be wanting a drink or chocolate and see a branded corner shop bag and then know there is one near by to fulfil the sugar requirement. Of course, there is no guarantee you would go to the same corner shop as a different one may come into sight first, but that’s just the corner shop lottery.

Whilst I am on the subject, my favourite bags are take away ones that have generic messages like:

“Enjoy your yummy fish and chips”
And
“Hot Chinese Food”

Brilliant.

Bags.