Rain = umbrellas. Post = 99

Alright.

Haven't posted for a while, I think its the pressure of where I am at! This is post numero 99, which means the next one is 100. I am not sure I can do a hundredth post without it being a little bit jazzy and have been holding back planning what to do. I shall think on. Anyway, in the mean time here is 99. I like to think this post will be like the 99 ice cream, but the one without the flake. Nice and enjoyable, but altogether a bit unsatisfying because there is no chocolate treat rammed into it. Post 100 will have the flake, oh yes, it will have a flake.

So rain. Its a bit shite. To be fair, the winter has crept up as slowly as a paraplegic ninja, and for that I priase Jah. However, the rain has started and that leads me on to umbrellas.
I hate umbrellas, I hate them a lot. There are numerous very well rounded reasons for this and I will explain them below so everyone can agree with me (which is how I like it!).

1) Dangerous. People with umbrellas are often twats. They wander along with said umbrella low over their head, so low, they can only see the ground and so don't look where they are going. As such, its like running the gauntlet in T.V's The Gladiators. You have to dodge the spikes, avoid the deadly metal jutty bits and be super alert whilst trying to walk at pace to avoid the rain. To be frank, it scares me! They could have an eye out easy and most umbrella users seem oblivious to the dangers.

2) Umbrella gangs. I hate groups with an umbrella each. Should they be walking at a rejects pave (which oft they are) its hard to navigate round them as umbrellas are about twice as wide as a person. Earlier today, whilst walking the narrow lanes, I had to circumnaviate three umbrella users and it was a trial. I almost knocked into a stand trying to do so. They should be made to walk single file. In fact, I have a brilliant idea for slowness in general. Pedestian lanes. Carve the pavement up like a motorway and idiots can go in the slow lane and let the speedy gonzalis of this world use the fast lane. Thanks.

3) They are rubbish. Umbrellas don't work. Your head may stay a bit dry, but unless the rain is vertical, you are going to get wet anyway. Also, a slightest gust of wind and they turn inside out and you almost get blown away. In this age of progression, surely someone could re-design the umbrella to actually work effeciently?

4) Multiple umbrella use. If two people share an umbrella, calamaty ensues. fitting two people under one is hard enough and if you are the carrier, you feel so concious of keeping your fellow shelterer dry, you ineviatbly are half in and half out the umbrella and so get drenched. Plus if the other person is a different height to you, keeping the umbrella aloft at a satisfactory height is near impossible. Don't share.

I say banish the things. Get wet or get a hat.

By the way, I was asked the other day what Asomatous means. It means Without material body...hence the name of this blog. It seemed an appropriate and brilliantly protentious name to have as an internet identity and so has stuck with me for some years now.